The Great American Garage Sale!

August, 2009

 

Greetings, Bargain hunters!

 
Now that August is here, and since the economy is sinking slowly in the West, our family has decided to bring in a little extra money to help with purchasing
those pesky school supplies for our two high-schoolers. Short of taking on another mortgage or another part-time job, we decided to metaphorically kill two birds with one stone and take part in the truly American Tradition of turning one's extra solid waste into some liquid assets, with our own Read&Delete garage sale.

At last year's sale we got rid of some of our less used (and collector's) items such as: my Lord of the Flies coloring book (I got it when I was a kid), our Glow-in-the-dark cutlery set (a wedding present), Bland-o-Matic blender- (perfect for making that asparagus-potato smoothie that you dream about) and our boys' Little Tikes tricycle jousting set-- just to name a few items. .
 
This August, our little garage sale features some things that we have acquired since last fall- stuff that we no longer want or need. It's pretty amazing, when you think about it-- we all tend to collect things that catch our eye and after we have had them for a while- they end up just taking up space in our lives- and rather than just tossing them out, we hope that somebody else has a need for them. We are firm believers in the three R's (Reduce, Reuse, Recycle) so if you know somebody else who can use any of these items, please let me know and I will pray for them.
 
 
Available at the Read&Delete Garage Sale:
(for a limited time)
NOTE: All prices are negotiable.


Clothing items:
1 pair Sonia Sotamayor Ice Skates-  made just for skating on thin ice. Keeps the wearer safe in situations where there is nothing to stand upon.
Nancy Pelosi power clutch purse- perfect for going out "clubbing" -holds and hits just like a sandbag. 
Signature Joseph Biden bulletproof shoes- renders the wearer impervious to self inflicted podiatal gunshot wounds (size 12). 
1 HartMarx empty suit (gray-size 40) .

Books:
Gov. Mark Sanford's Argentine Travel Guide (Includes interesting out-of-the-way places to visit)
The Meaning of Is-- 40th edition (from the Clinton Presidential library)
The Audacity of Skepticism by B. ObamAyres
Selected Impromptu Verse from the Gates of Harvard to the Hall of Justice-  poems written in the back seat of a Cambridge, Mass. squad car. Best when shared with new 'friends' over a cold beer.  


DVDs
Heather has Two Healthcare Providers 
Nightmare on Elm Street 3- Congressional Town Hell Meeting
California Terminator- starring Arnold Schwarzenegger
When Harry met Nancy- a lighthearted romp into the wallets of taxpayers
 

Games:
Cap'n Trading cards (Al Gore edition- not quite a full deck) Similar to baseball cards, but with famous polluters and their carbon emission stats.
Fiscal Monopoly -incomplete set- comes with dozens of empty banks (pre-mortgaged), so you have to print your own money.
Obamagic set- Amaze your friends with your newfound Sleight-of-Truth. Magic tricks include:  the Exploding Debt trick, make the auto industry disappear trick, race card tricks, "find the hidden ACORN under the shell" trick. Saw the country in half.


Computer and other gadgets:
Flatbed National Media scanner- (out of adjustment- only moves left of center),
Hyperinflation currency printer (self-depreciating, the more you print, the less it's worth)
LCD deficit projector (shows the handwriting on the wall very clearly)
AM/FM Alarmist Clock Radio- Shrieks a loud warning every time someone in the media makes an unsubstantiated dire claim. WARNING: it has no 'snooze' button. 
Alternative Healthcare Plan Electoral Cube Tap: Lets you plug multiple items into one electrical outlet. Allows you the luxury of being able to fully charge up your new electric vehicle without having to "pull the plug" on Grandma.

Harry Reid Progressive Dimmer Switch - Installs in minutes & runs for six year cycles. Makes any room lack brilliance and become progressively dimmer- yet without any cost savings whatsoever. Also makes annoying buzzing sounds and causes a great deal of interference.

 
Novelties:
Do-it-yourself original Hawaiian birth certificate kit (1961 edition).
 
13 piece novelty Rahm Emmanuel Kool-aid pitcher and glassware set. Each glass showing the phrase "Yes We Can" until filled with the approved Kool-Aid - then the phrase magically changes to "Yes, you will."  Fits neatly into your Presidential Cabinet.
 
1 Genuine Official Disgruntled Taxpayer Tea Party Teapot- Holds 50 cups of tea -- although reported in the media as only 5. 

1 Minnesota Franken-Senator kit: comes with 5000 marked yet uncast ballots in a handy carrying case. Suitable to make anybody look and feel like a real honest-to-goodness U.S. Senator.

1 Do-It-Yourself home healthcare/surgery tool kit. Contains all manuals and tools necessary for you to perform most known minor surgical procedures in the security and privacy of your own home. Why make your loved ones wait in long lines for months for federally mandated care when you can treat everything from tooth decay to appendicitis on your own kitchen table? Special software lets you do your own MRIs, EKGs and X-rays using your home computer, printer and microwave oven. (Imported from Canada-- or England)

Souvenirs from our Nation's Capital:
535 sets of scruples (a little rusty, but still usable)
2 moral compasses -each with animal motif on its case (1 with a donkey, 1 with an elephant) both in working condition, albeit not used in recent years.
1 Jar full of Republican Nuts- Various sizes. Right-hand thread. These are totally incompatible with the Left-handed Democratic 'Progressive' screw machine, so they were discarded along the beltway. These could still be put together into formatable use-- with the right plan.
 
 
So there you are-- just a few things found lying around the virtual garage. If you are interested in any of these, or have any items to contribute, please let me know.