The Great American
Greetings, Bargain hunters!
Now that August is here, and since the economy is
sinking slowly in the West, our family has decided to bring in a little extra
money to help with purchasing
those pesky school supplies for our two high-schoolers. Short of taking on
another mortgage or another part-time job, we decided to metaphorically kill
two birds with one stone and take part in the truly American Tradition of
turning one's extra solid waste into some liquid assets, with our own Read&Delete
At last year's sale we got rid of some of our less used (and collector's)
items such as: my Lord of the Flies coloring book (I got it when I
was a kid), our Glow-in-the-dark cutlery set (a wedding present),
Bland-o-Matic blender- (perfect for making that asparagus-potato smoothie that
you dream about) and our boys' Little Tikes tricycle jousting set-- just to
name a few items. .
This August, our little garage sale features some
things that we have acquired since last fall- stuff that we no longer
want or need. It's pretty amazing, when you think about it-- we all tend to
collect things that catch our eye and after we have had them for a while- they
end up just taking up space in our lives- and rather than just tossing them
out, we hope that somebody else has a need for them. We are firm believers in
the three R's (Reduce, Reuse, Recycle) so if you know somebody else who can
use any of these items, please let me know and I will pray for them.
Available at the Read&Delete Garage Sale:
(for a limited time)
NOTE: All prices are negotiable.
1 pair Sonia Sotamayor Ice Skates- made just for
skating on thin ice. Keeps the wearer safe in situations where there is
nothing to stand upon.
Nancy Pelosi power clutch purse-
perfect for going out "clubbing" -holds and hits just like a
Signature Joseph Biden bulletproof shoes-
renders the wearer impervious to self inflicted podiatal gunshot wounds (size
1 HartMarx empty suit (gray-size
Gov. Mark Sanford's Argentine Travel Guide (Includes interesting
out-of-the-way places to visit)
The Meaning of Is-- 40th edition (from the Clinton Presidential
The Audacity of Skepticism by B. ObamAyres
Selected Impromptu Verse from the Gates of Harvard to the Hall of
Justice- poems written in the back seat of a Cambridge, Mass.
squad car. Best when shared with new 'friends' over a cold beer.
Heather has Two Healthcare Providers
Nightmare on Elm Street 3- Congressional Town
California Terminator- starring Arnold
When Harry met Nancy- a lighthearted romp
into the wallets of taxpayers
Cap'n Trading cards (Al Gore edition- not quite a full deck) Similar
to baseball cards, but with famous polluters and their carbon emission
Fiscal Monopoly -incomplete set- comes with dozens of empty
banks (pre-mortgaged), so you have to print your own money.
Obamagic set- Amaze your friends with your newfound Sleight-of-Truth.
Magic tricks include: the Exploding Debt trick, make the auto
industry disappear trick, race card tricks, "find the hidden
ACORN under the shell" trick. Saw the country in half.
Computer and other gadgets:
Flatbed National Media scanner- (out of adjustment- only moves left
Hyperinflation currency printer
(self-depreciating, the more you print, the less it's worth)
LCD deficit projector (shows the
handwriting on the wall very clearly)
AM/FM Alarmist Clock Radio- Shrieks a loud
warning every time someone in the media makes an unsubstantiated dire claim.
WARNING: it has no 'snooze' button.
Alternative Healthcare Plan Electoral Cube Tap:
Lets you plug multiple items into one electrical outlet. Allows you the luxury
of being able to fully charge up your new electric vehicle without having to
"pull the plug" on Grandma.
Harry Reid Progressive Dimmer Switch - Installs
in minutes & runs for six year cycles. Makes any room lack brilliance and become
progressively dimmer- yet without any cost savings whatsoever. Also
makes annoying buzzing sounds and causes a great deal of interference.
Do-it-yourself original Hawaiian birth
certificate kit (1961 edition).
13 piece novelty Rahm Emmanuel Kool-aid pitcher
and glassware set. Each glass showing the phrase "Yes We
Can" until filled with the approved Kool-Aid - then the phrase
magically changes to "Yes, you will." Fits neatly into
your Presidential Cabinet.
1 Genuine Official Disgruntled Taxpayer Tea
Party Teapot- Holds 50 cups of tea -- although reported in the media
as only 5.
1 Minnesota Franken-Senator kit: comes with 5000 marked yet uncast
ballots in a handy carrying case. Suitable to make anybody look and feel
like a real honest-to-goodness U.S. Senator.
1 Do-It-Yourself home healthcare/surgery tool kit. Contains all
manuals and tools necessary for you to perform most known minor surgical
procedures in the security and privacy of your own home. Why make your loved
ones wait in long lines for months for federally mandated care when you can
treat everything from tooth decay to appendicitis on your own kitchen table?
Special software lets you do your own MRIs, EKGs and X-rays using your home
computer, printer and microwave oven. (Imported from Canada-- or England)
Souvenirs from our Nation's Capital:
535 sets of scruples (a little rusty, but still usable)
2 moral compasses -each with animal motif on its case (1 with a
donkey, 1 with an elephant) both in working condition, albeit not used in
1 Jar full of Republican Nuts- Various sizes. Right-hand thread.
These are totally incompatible with the Left-handed Democratic
'Progressive' screw machine, so they were discarded along the beltway. These
could still be put together into formatable use-- with the right plan.
So there you are-- just a few things found lying around the
virtual garage. If you are interested in any of these, or have any items to
contribute, please let me know.